Monday, May 14, 2012

Finding the Fun

I've been a bit glum of late.  Lots of confusion.
Lots of late night decision making (the dark is NOT a good time for that).
You all know the drill (and if you don't know, than I say yeah for you because you have totally got your life together!).  Things not going as you had hoped.  Success not seeming possible.
Feeling overlooked. 
Questioning EVERYTHING.
As I bored my husband yet again with my booth plans, business plan, definition of success, whining about people ignoring me, etc. I ended up saying this, "I've just lost the fun.  Somewhere along the way this junque stopped being fun."
Junque not fun?
He told me this was a big deal and a big problem.
He was right of course.  I kept thinking about it and Saturday night I did something I have not done in a while.  Made something just because I wanted to make it.  Headed down to my cave (you remember my "Where Women Create" studio is the unfinished, piled high with junque side of the basement - soooooooooooo glamorous) with these:
A t-shirt from my closet, a vintage cross stitch napkin and the remnants of an embroidered table runner).
I cut, I ironed on interfacing, I pinned, pondered placement and then I sewed (of course I was still working on altered scarves while I did this which reduced my "I should only do things that can make money guilt").
I came out with this:
I have no illusions that I am the first person to do this.  Lots of folks are altering clothes.  But this is me.  Actually me.  Not me trying to be what all the big shots look like.  Not me trying to get the RH, PB, Anthro look.  Just me. 
I'm not a shabby chic girl.  I don't do all white.  I love florals but I do not want them everywhere.  I like my vintage to tell a story and somehow I stopped telling my story and started telling the one I thought people wanted to buy.
I'm pretty small potato in this junque community.  I'm the girl dealers laugh at when I pull up to my booth in my SUV with the soccer sticker on the back.  That's all I've got.  An SUV.  I pack it like Tetris (which I do not do well on screen but am surprisingly talented at when it comes to stuffing the car).  I don't rent a truck.  Can't rent a truck.  Bigger overhead means less profit and possibly Mr. Wonderful and I recognize that my driving skills are not quite up to the task!
I've got no help.  No entourage to unload.  Me.  The kind of me who only buys furniture that a)fits in my car and b) I can lift by myself (note to self - working out would help).  It's not a pretty sight but I get it done.
I'm just a mom trying to make enough money to pay for soccer and horseback riding lessons.  I'd like to be bigger but this isn't the time for that.  I've lost sight of my goals.  I got them all muddied up with wanting to be recognized/successful.
That might be fun if it were working.  It's not.  When you sit at a show and miss soccer games to not sell enough to pay for those games while realizing your junque addiction stopped being realize you lost your way.
My self confidence has taken a hit as well.  I question all of my decisions.  I am afraid to try anything for fear it might be a money losing endeavor.  We all know you've got to spend money to make money but man, it just keeps flowing out, out, out.
So I sat.  I sewed.  I finished.  I liked it.  I had fun doing it.  I will wear it with pride at Vintage Marketplace.  Slowly I will find my way back to me.  I will find the courage to be who I am and stop caring how I am received/perceived.
I will fly.
Yours in junque,
Linking to:


Charlotte said...

You go, girl! You sound like my type of junking person! Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I would love to be more "successful" too, but I have found a happy medium - I buy and sell what I love! It is hard when your stuff goes overlooked at a show but everything is not for everyone and sometimes we try too hard to find things Everyone wants!
Better to have a smaller booth you enjoy and do well with than a huge booth that sucks the life out of you :) I had a shop for 5 years and now just do a couple shows a year and am happy. Maybe I will expand again when the time is right? Keep doing it only if you enjoy it and take breaks when you need to.

Cindy said...

I'm a small potato also and have experienced some of the same feelings as you have. You are not alone.

Small potatoes unite!

Marsha @ Tattered Chick said...

I can relate to your post! My word for this year is ACCEPTANCE and it's helped and "letting" go has helped too . . I'm still having trouble accepting some things but I am junking for the love of it and what makes me happy!!!


Sue said...

Carrie, I think we all need to set our priorities and go from there. Our families and/or "real" jobs come first and we should have fun with the "junque" second. And who cares how we transport or show our things? It should be fun not a chore! I have no avocation to be big time- heck, you know how I roll! Baby steps.... LOL
Hang in there and you'll get your mojo back when you need it. :-) Sue

Sue said...

See ya this weekend! :-)

autena said...

Thanks for confessing. Sometimes we (I) think we(I) must be the only one confused and self-doubting at times, in this creative world we (I) follow. Your post makes me realize that isn't true, which is a relief.

Betsy@My Salvaged Treasures said...

We've all been there and have had your exact thoughts. I don't bring more than what I can fit in the back of my truck and won't rent a big one either. Your altered shirt is so unique and you and that's how it should be. Keep on junkin' too!

sweetvintageofmine said...

Carrie, you're so sweet and courageous to open up your heart about how you feel. This all reminds me when I was in High School (I'm sure all girls relate) So many wanting to be popular or to stand out for what reasons or the other...JUST BE YOU!! GOD made YOU special with YOUR TALENTS and ABILITIES like no other. None of us are the same....and don't let SATAN tell you or make you feel unimportant or you don't add up...NONSENSE! You are special, pretty, and full of confidence...SUV and all!! Now go sell all your great pretties(JUNQUE!) Will be thinking and praying for you. This will be your BEST SHOW EVER!! From one sweetie to another....Roxie

Pam @ Frippery said...

Girl, I have been a lax blog visitor as you know, so I just read this. You and I are on the same page, SUV and all. It all started to lose lot's of luster for me too. Love the junk, love creating but everyone else seems so much bigger and better. Or at least they have more energy, transportation and cash to buy inventory before shows.
So I am reversing the go big mantra. I am going small or not at all, haha. Not being the name on everyone's lips in the junk world is not the worst thing in the world. Think of the have to be better than your last show all the time. Baby steps and fun is where it is at. Not many can make a living doing this. Do it because you enjoy it and can make a bit of extra cash. You have a wonderful eye and have lot's of unique pieces. Be yourself. There is something to be said for flying under the radar.
I love seeing some of the huge displays and fabulous shows on the blogs and at events but I have realized that is all too much for me. Maybe some day, maybe not. Roxie is right, things can become very high schoolish, envying the popular girls. Be you and the people who are drawn to you will be there. Not because you have a truck filled to the brim but because they like your style.
I made a hard decision in not doing the two spring shows but I knew I would not have the time and energy. I agonized all through April thinking did I do the right thing? I know I did because I could barely keep the house together much less get ready for shows. It would have been a disaster. If it isn't fun, or at least isn't going in the right direction for you, then change direction a bit and see what comes of it.
OK longest comment ever.
Love you and your passion to succeed and your junk too! Pam

Blogger said...

By using Car Rental 8 you can find the cheapest car hire from over 50,000 locations globally.